The Covid Buddha

I have lived with chronic illness for many years and have slowly learned acceptance and respect for my limitations. I had Covid for the first time in early September and was once again confronted with learning acceptance for my new health circumstances, as my symptoms never went away. There are days when I am so fatigued, struggling to breathe, and unable to focus that I can’t make it through the day. If I don’t rest, the symptoms persist and I end up taking a much longer time to recover. I have felt immense guilt and shame for having to rest so often. I’ve felt guilt for missing work, for not keeping up with household chores, for needing to reschedule appointments and meetings, and for missing out on family and social events. There was a passage in a book I started reading recently that reminded me how I should be showing the same compassion to myself as I would to others. If someone came up to me and said that they were chronically ill, there is no way that I would become frustrated with that person and make them feel bad for being sick - and yet that’s essentially what I have been doing to myself. I would instead have compassion for that person and tell them that it is okay to rest until they feel better again.

"Accepting limitations is not a defeat, but rather a doorway to a deeper understanding of the interconnected nature of life . . . "

My husband referred to my illness as, “The Covid Buddha”, which I have found to be very fitting. It has been a lesson on impermanence. I’m invited each day to embrace the uncertainty, to release any attachments to what once was, and to flow with the current of change. Like a river carving its path through the landscape, chronic illness carves its presence through the contours of my daily experience. Impermanence becomes a gentle guide, urging me to let go of expectations and to find solace in the acceptance of the ever-changing nature of my health. I am learning once again to take things as they come - to appreciate times of good health and to have acceptance for the times when I need to rest. The Covid Buddha encourages me to go with the flow and adapt to each moment of the day without clinging to an idealized version of health. Accepting limitations is not a defeat, but rather a doorway to a deeper understanding of the interconnected nature of life and a pathway to liberation from the frustration that comes from having unrealistic expectations. I saw a quote today that said: “When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” I found this perspective to be beneficial and filled with gratitude for all circumstances.

There is no need to compare ourselves to anyone else or to a past, healthier version of ourselves. Instead, embracing the teachings of impermanence, accepting our current state with self-compassion, and taking each day and moment as they come, may be helpful in finding contentment in the unpredictable chapters of our imperfectly perfect journey.